My friend, Alex.
My friend, Alex.I see you and it makes me feel nostalgic. You still smell the same, that special sauce, it brings me back.
I feel sad, remember when things used to be so much simpler? You picking me up for an afternoon blunt, always fashionably (sometimes frustratingly) late.
Now we both feel so far away. I miss you – I’ll be here no matter what. Friends like this are tough to come by.
I give you the money you put in my account like you asked. I feel bad, I’m enabling. But, I have no right to talk and maybe its that guilt that makes me want to help.
I also just want to see you. Just hold you and make sure you’re still real. Jason’s dead, Jack’s been gone for a while. I don’t want to lose you.
I hope you know that I really am here. You can always call, always come by. I’ll never turn you away. You are a good person, a genuine person with a heart so beautiful it hurts.
You hurt. So do I. I know this has been really hard, this life. I can’t begin to imagine what you’ve been through, but I do know.
It’s not fair. You don’t deserve all this pain. I wish I could take it away. I really would, if I could. I can’t though and that is a difficult truth. So I am just here. Here for anything and everything. Because I’m not going anywhere, you can’t fuck up or lose this relationship and I will show you that.
I will be here. I know you’re there for me. I don’t question that for a second. You always will be, and so will I.
As long as you don’t overdose. I saw the track marks, guess you finally graduated from snorting it.
You pull up in the stolen Pontiac, pupils just pin pricks in your icy blue eyes. It doesn’t look natural, the life visibly slipping away behind those beautiful eyes.
Please, just keep going. Don’t give up. Things will get better, you’ll beat this. You’re no junkie. You’re so much more. Smart, caring, intelligent, curious, funny, genuine, beautiful… you’re no junkie. Just hold on Alex, you’ll get through this. And no matter what – I will be here.
© Carrie O'Brien
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